Searching for Balance
by Robert Gerzon
We yearn for balance in our lives. We often feel that there is simply not
enough time to do all the things we need to do each day. And usually we
blame ourselves for not doing a better job at balancing the conflicting
demands of work, family and friends.
During a recent radio interview, the woman who hosted the program said
to me, "I have so many things going on each day, sometimes it drives me
crazy! Isn’t it hard to find balance in our lives today?"
To her surprise, I replied, "No, it’s not hard...It’s impossible!"
For a moment she didn’t know whether to feel discouraged or relieved.
Then she responded, "You know, I do think a lot of my stress and anxiety
comes from thinking I should be able to balance it all. If it’s impossible
then I don’t have to feel so bad about not being able to pull it off."
"Exactly," I replied. "As a husband, a father of five, and a
self-employed writer, psychotherapist and speaker, it’s very easy for me
to become discouraged when I compare my actual daily life to an ideal
state of perfect balance. I find that the more I try to balance all these
competing roles, the more they seem to pull me apart. One of my first
steps toward finding serenity was to accept that almost every day would be
unbalanced."
This spring, Nature again teaches us a valuable lesson about balance.
The spring equinox marks a brief moment in the earth’s yearly journey
around the sun when day and night are exactly equal. I find it reassuring
that even after centuries of practice, Nature can only find perfect
balance between light and dark two days out of the year!
Nature’s seasonal cycle further instructs us that imbalance is
beautiful — imbalance makes life interesting. If the earth were perfectly
centered on its axis we would have no delightful spring mornings, no
summer beach days, no crisp autumn afternoons and no crystalline winter
nights — just one perfectly balanced, bland, monotonous climate all year
round.
It is thanks to Mother Earth’s imperfect, wobbly axis that she spins
out everything from tranquil breezes to hurricanes, teaching those of us
who ride upon its surface to appreciate the richly varied spectrum of the
year, to savor the unique imbalance of each day.
Practically speaking, how can this lesson from Mother Earth help us
deal with the often painful conflicts we experience living in today’s
rushed society? Four suggestions come to mind:
First, and most important, we can begin to accept imbalance as a fact
of life and let go of the guilt and self-blame. Why not simply and humbly
accept that it’s impossible to balance it all? This frees us to enjoy each
day’s unique and often surprising imbalances as much as possible.
Second, we can recognize how fragmented our lives have become and take
steps toward greater wholeness. Wherever possible we can begin to knit
together the separated pieces of our life. Instead of spending longer
hours at the office to pay for commercial yard maintenance why not combine
exercise, family time, and values education with accomplishing a necessary
chore?
Third, we can accept daily and even weekly imbalance while aiming for a
more realistic "rolling balance." Some days will be mostly work, some
mostly household chores, some mostly family activities. But overall, like
nature, we can achieve an imperfect, somewhat messy, yet workable rolling
balance.
Fourth, we can make sure we really enjoy those fleeting moments of
perfect balance. We can savor those equinoxes in our lives when we have
the perfect day. What are your favorite "equinox days" like?
Mine are usually not spectacular days, but surprisingly simple and
ordinary ones. I delight in those wonderful weekend days when the bonds
between me, my family and the natural world can grow stronger, unbroken by
the countless interruptions and separations of the workaday world. These
blessed times are all the sweeter for their fleeting nature.
If we accept today’s unbalanced basket of gifts, remember past gifts,
and trust that what is missing in today’s basket will appear in a future
one, we can find greater serenity in this age of anxiety.
Comments, questions?
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